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Set your goalsOften, we go about life in a sort of random way, not really having any direction or goals.We seem to leave a lot to chance and then complain afterward when things don’t go our way.Sitting by yourself in a coffee shop instead of going over to chat with the guy or girl also sitting alone is a wasted opportunity.In addition, waiting around for your friend to call is not the way to go about developing any kind of relationship.You have to plan, making sure that you use each chance you have to form new friendships and maintain them.Set yourself goals, instead of leaving things to fate.Make them specific and doable, rather than vague and impossible.Following the Pareto Principle, Jake needs to focus on the 20% of his daily habits that bring him 80% efficiency and happiness.He also needs to get rid of the 80% of his routine that only brings around 20% of the value to his life.Plan your goalsYou may bump into a friend in the street or see them in your local store by chance, but more often than not, you will need to be proactive if you want to be sure of getting together.Making plans is the best way to do this, which will entail prioritizing what is important to you.If you wish to arrange an evening out, you have to plan ahead for that.Leaving things to the last minute may be your usual style, but where has that gotten you so far?When it comes to planning anything, concentrate on putting the things that you enjoy doing at the top of your list.Sure, you have responsibilities that aren’t always fun which you have to include, so take these as given and draw up a plan that maximizes your free time.Evaluate other prioritiesBearing your goals in mind, it’s time to look at everything else in your life that could conflict with that.Are you being pulled by other people that you don’t enjoy being with into spending time and energy on them?What do you do on a daily basis that brings you 80% unhappiness?What do you do that brings you 80% joy?You need to find the 20% that improves your daily routine and focus on those.Make a list of your priorities and consider which ones you could maximize or reduce.If you like, you can number them in terms of impact, with 1 being the least impactful and 10 being the highest.When you have considered everything, ask yourself which of the above you can handle differently in order to release more of your time and energy.I would say, for instance, that I used to hate grocery shopping.I found it very tiring and couldn’t stand waiting in long queues when I’d rather be somewhere else.I thought it was a necessity until I realized that I could order everything I needed online and have them delivered to my door.That was truly liberating, and such a small change to make, allowing me to meet up with my good friend Sue for a chat over a pizza.It’s the equivalent of walking into quicksand and slowly sinking.Putting off what you could do now until later because you don’t enjoy doing it is in total contrast to the Pareto Principle.The 80/20 rule doesn’t say that you should ignore doing what you need to but is about finding ways for you to deal with each task effectively so that it doesn’t drag on and on, robbing you of both time and happiness.If you need to do something and can’t avoid it, put it at the top of your task list and see to it before you do anything else.What habits are causing 80% of your problems?What things are causing the most stress in your life?What experiences bring you 80% of your happiness?Once you have narrowed it down, continue to use the Pareto Principle to help you stay true to your goals and plans.It’s not that difficult to change habits and routines when you understand the benefits of doing so, and the 80/20 rule is a very clear benchmark for that.If we apply the rule to relationships, it appears that 80% of our happiness comes from just 20% of the people in our lives.This implies that there are a lot of people around us who add very little or nothing to our sense of joy.These could be old friends, new friends, or people we just hang out with.I had an old friend, let’s call her Nadia, who I met when my kids were at kindergarten along with hers.She had a wicked sense of humor and was always upbeat.We would meet now and again, and the more we did so, the more I noticed that she could also be quite condescending.She would often make snide comments about what I was wearing, or remark on my ‘lack of style’, and I began to enjoy our meetings less and less.The truth was that, apart from making me feel bad about myself, she wasn’t adding anything to my life anymore, so I decided to gradually remove myself from that ’friendship’.I stopped calling her and when she would call me, I simply explained I was too busy to meet up.Eventually, we lost touch and I can honestly say that the friends I made after her bring me so much more contentment.No one needs a ‘Nadia’ in their life.There will always be people who you can’t strike up a relationship with, and that’s fine.There’s no such thing as a perfect fit with everyone, so focus on those you truly value and respect rather than hanging out with people just because you think you have no other option.Once you have established the kind of friendship that fulfills you, it’s a good idea to make sure that you maintain a healthy balance based on mutual respect.It could be that, after a while, you sense things are not going the way you would like them to.You may begin to feel taken for granted or are always the one who has to make the effort to call the other person and arrange meeting up.80% of your results come from 20% of your actions!The Pareto Principle can be applied to making new friends and keeping them.80% of results in life come from 20% of our efforts.Establish healthy habits using the 80/20 principle.Remove the people in your life who bring you more sadness than joy.I know from personal experience that when you have to do all of the leg work, it can get tiring and demoralizing.Sooner or later, you are going to wonder if you are really friends at all.And to make matters worse, if you get replies like, I’m busy, I’ll call you later, when you contact them, and they never do, that sucks.You need to get to the bottom of why you are the only one trying to sustain and nurture this friendship, which we are going to look at below.After that, I’m going to give you some useful tips to help redress the balance and to know when it’s time to call it a day and move on.This type of approach causes nothing but hurt, conflict, and even shame or guilt on both sides.Instead, I want you to think about how valuable that person is to you and how committed you are to making the friendship work.A lot has to do with the way we ‘think’ people should respond to us, and how we should behave in return.Add to that, the fact that we are all familiar with taking on a certain role in our relationships and don’t realize that we need to step up or change our approach.You always have to take the initiative to meet up.If you don’t, nothing gets arranged.They only contact you when they need something.You always need to go to their place but they’ll never come to yours.You always need to fit in with their plans.You are always there for them but they aren’t there for you when you need support or help.They never ask how you are.You show your friend kindness and generosity but get nothing back in return.They only ever talk about themselves.She was going through a rough patch with her husband at one point and needed some time away so she asked me to join her on a weekend break.I was excited at the prospect of spending a few days of relaxation although I knew that she would probably also want to talk through some of her problems during that break.What I didn’t expect was for her to monopolize the conversation for the whole two days, going on and on about her problems without even asking me how I was doing.I came home feeling emotionally drained and used.It seemed like she only cared about herself and selfishly assumed that I was prepared to listen to all of her problems without any consideration for me.That’s how I felt, and I’m sure you will have experienced something similar.Maybe when you do call your friend, they spend all of your phone time talking about themselves, when you could actually do with a listening ear yourself.They may never be available when you make suggestions to meet up, but demand that you drop everything to get together with them when they feel like it.Showing kindness to your friend is also great, as long as they appreciate it and would act the same way with you.If not, that’s very unfair.Of course, we don’t carry out acts of kindness to get anything in return, but you know the difference between someone being genuinely grateful and someone who is simply taking you for granted.If you feel like you are bending over backward to please them, it may be a good time to consider why you do that, and what you get out of it.Listening to your friend’s problems is a sign that you care about them, so when you find that they have no interest in your own life, what does that say about them?Perhaps it’s part of your nature to be a good listener, but you also need to be able to talk about yourself and to express how you feel, to confide in someone, and share your thoughts with.Having to take the initiative all the time may be fine with you, especially if the other person is genuinely very busy and doesn’t have time to call you first.How long does it take to make a quick phone call or send a short text?Maybe you need to consider if this other person really is too busy, or if that is an excuse.Whatever the reason for their unwillingness to get in touch, you have to weigh up if it is valid or if it shows apathy on their part towards contributing to your friendship.If you used to pick them up from work as they didn’t have a car, then they ghost you as soon as they buy one of their own, the chances are they were using you.You are right to feel hurt or angry and it’s easy to become distrustful of others after that, which may be affecting how you treat any new friends.